Q. I am in my mid 20s and lots of my friends are getting married, but one thing that is really bothering me is that all of them are expecting gifts, expensive gifts, not just at their wedding showers, but at their engagement parties, their bachelor/bachelorette parties and then also at their actual weddings. When I was growing up my parents taught me that a gift at the shower or at the wedding itself if you weren't invited to the shower was good etiquette, but my boyfriend get so embarrassed when everyone else brings gifts to every occasion and I insist that we are fine. Are we wrong for not bringing $50+ gifts to every event or are our friends wrong for expecting gifts at every event surrounding the wedding?
To add to the earlier details, are showers and weddings 2 separate events requiring 2 different gifts off of the couple's registry? Typically everyone brings a registry gift to the showers, and then another to the wedding. At the bachelorette showers invitations go out with requests for lingere and "gifts meant to be enjoyed on the honeymoon" and for the bachelor parties bottles of liquor or adult themed gifts... It adds up when you consider we all for the most part just finished school and my boyfriend and I are both still in school (PhD studies) without full time employment.
One last thing, I don't even live in the country (I go to a university abroad), but I still get invites and send gifts, as if the situation wasn't complicated enough. Answers for my specific situation and in general for people who do attend all of the events are appreciated.
To add to the earlier details, are showers and weddings 2 separate events requiring 2 different gifts off of the couple's registry? Typically everyone brings a registry gift to the showers, and then another to the wedding. At the bachelorette showers invitations go out with requests for lingere and "gifts meant to be enjoyed on the honeymoon" and for the bachelor parties bottles of liquor or adult themed gifts... It adds up when you consider we all for the most part just finished school and my boyfriend and I are both still in school (PhD studies) without full time employment.
One last thing, I don't even live in the country (I go to a university abroad), but I still get invites and send gifts, as if the situation wasn't complicated enough. Answers for my specific situation and in general for people who do attend all of the events are appreciated.
A. This is what Miss Manners has to say on this issue: (link below for full article)
" But the innovations that are most widely followed, even by those who resent them, are vulgar, impractical or nonsensical â and almost always expensive. Here are some that Miss Manners refuses to sanction:
* That "wedding" is a collective noun referring to a long series of events â minimally including an engagement party, numerous showers, bachelor and spinster (Miss Manners is incapable of saying "bachelorette") parties, a rehearsal dinner, the ceremony, a dinner, a dance and the next day's brunch â until everyone concerned has been worn to a frazzle. And that they all require presents.
Only the ceremony and a celebration immediately after have the full sanction of etiquette; the rest is for those who have the stamina. A true engagement party is one at which the bride's father announces the engagement as a surprise, and showers are solely at the discretion of friends."
" But the innovations that are most widely followed, even by those who resent them, are vulgar, impractical or nonsensical â and almost always expensive. Here are some that Miss Manners refuses to sanction:
* That "wedding" is a collective noun referring to a long series of events â minimally including an engagement party, numerous showers, bachelor and spinster (Miss Manners is incapable of saying "bachelorette") parties, a rehearsal dinner, the ceremony, a dinner, a dance and the next day's brunch â until everyone concerned has been worn to a frazzle. And that they all require presents.
Only the ceremony and a celebration immediately after have the full sanction of etiquette; the rest is for those who have the stamina. A true engagement party is one at which the bride's father announces the engagement as a surprise, and showers are solely at the discretion of friends."
What gifts are best for my dance students?
Q. The holidays are coming up and for Christmas I would like to get all of my students a gift (nothing expensive). I have about 75 kids in all ranging from 3 to 7, any thoughts?
A. How much are you looking to spend? An inexpensive book with a dancing character would be nice, such as barnyard dance or dancing in the wings. other ideas? a cheaply framed picture of their class, or a small book with the other kids' pictures and stats.. (you can get these made at Kinko's or Walgreen's)... you can also check out oriental trading for even cheaper ideas, or your local dollar store- they have some cute things, too.... good luck!
If you gave someone an expensive gift and she didn't appreciate that how would you react?
Q. How would you deal with it? She gave me in return only a candle and it was my birthday ! Worst point is that next time she will expect me to give her again a gift as expensive as first time. Fact is that if I do not give her an expensive gift, I would not feel comfortable.If I give her then again I feel CHEATED !
Please advise what you would do in such situation ?
Please advise what you would do in such situation ?
A. Keep the candle she gave you, and next time, wrap it up nicely, and give it to HER as a gift... she can't complain, can she? It would be rude.
Don't be silly -- the only one holding you up to getting her undeserved and expensive gifts is yourself.
Don't be silly -- the only one holding you up to getting her undeserved and expensive gifts is yourself.
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